My Advice on Sending Flowers (and a free bonus poem)

 
If your wife works hard in an office all day like mine does, you really should send her flowers once in a while to let her know she’s appreciated. And to reward your gargantuan effort, the least she should do is make sure they last as long as possible.

That’s why I wrote this little poem (Feel free to use it. Women love poetry) It's aptly titled:

I’d Appreciate You Appreciating My Token of Appreciation

or

Roses are Red Except When They're Dead

Roses are red
And these ones are for you

If you take care of them

They should last a week or two

So be sure to give them water

And check them every day

Trim an inch from every stem

And they like a misting spray

Be sure to add that little pack

Of powder in the card

It’s supposed to keep them fresher

Now that shouldn’t be too hard

Oh, and keep them from the window

Direct sun is bad I’m told

Set your thermostat at sixty

Wear a sweater if you’re cold

And you should get some bluer lights

Sylvania 60 watt

Your office lights are yellow

New ones shouldn’t cost a lot

There’s a ladder in the closet

By the bottom of the stairs

Remember that florescent lights

Should be replaced in pairs

You could screw up the ballast

If you change out only one

And changing out a ballast

Will not be cheap, or fun

Your roses will to do better

And look better in this light

But it all will be for nothing

If you don’t turn them off at night

The biological clock

That still ticks in every bloom

Must not be disturbed

For that would be your roses doom

Now if you follow these instructions

To prolong your flowers life

When your co-workers see them

They’ll think “What a lucky wife!”