Friday, October 18, 2013


Dear Republicans, Tea Party sympathizers, and European bashers:

Capitalism lovers, especially Libertarians, and even more importantly Ayn Rand fans (who for the most part have absolutely no idea what her core
philosophy, “Objectivism” actually is) need to understand that the United States of America since its very inception has always been a semi-balanced blend of capitalism and democratic socialism. They need to understand this little fact before they put all of their ideological eggs into the mythological unregulated free market basket and join in the chant, “We want our country back!” because failure to understand this will… well frankly, it will make them look a little dumb when someone asks them the question, ”Back from what?”

Now to those people whose reaction to this historical truth is that socialism is evil, I ask them to look at it this way:

Being a purely capitalist society would be a lot like being a nation of absolute carnivores. Now while I’m sure that sounds great to a lot of folks (very macho and American,) it wouldn’t be very healthy for our citizens, and it would no doubt lead to an early death for most of us (not to mention the years of gout we’d have to suffer through.)

On the other hand, being a purely socialist society would be a lot like becoming a nation of complete herbivores. Now while this might appeal to our strict vegetarian friends, it would be unacceptable to the vast majority of us, many of whom would probably stage a revolution after a just few weeks without bacon.

Therefore, just as we humans are naturally omnivores, I suggest that we should accept omni-ism as an economic model as well. A nice juicy capitalistic steak (USDA approved of course) along with a crispy green socialistic salad makes for a balanced meal, and a historically sustainable society. Yes, yes I know we Americans will keep arguing about how much meat we should eat and how many vegetables we need… and Texans will keep gorging on giant steaks while refusing to finish their peas… and Californians will continue nibbling on carrots and greens while exporting almonds to the rest of us, but in the end the value of private (for profit) enterprise, and the sensible benefits of social (share the risk, share the wealth) contracts will serve us all well... just as our founding fathers intended