Friday, July 24, 2015

My Best Pet Yet

Note: This was written for a poetry prompt. The prompt was "What pet should I get," written in 20 lines or less.

What Pet should I get, or should I get two?
Should I get a duet, or will one creature do?
And where should I keep it, here under my bed?
And if it won’t fit, then my closet instead?
Should it be furry, or covered in scales?
Something that scurries, or has a long tail?
Something that swims, or something that purrs?
And what should I name him, or should I name her?

And where should I look for this new pet of mine?
Should I look in a book, or go shopping online?
Should I look in a guide? Should I look high and low?
Well when I decide, I will let you all know.

Well it’s time to report that I got my new pet!
I named him Mort. He’s my finest  pet yet!
I just went in the yard, and I climbed up a tree.
It wasn’t that hard. I just caught me a bee,
in a little glass jar, with some holes in the lid,
and it may seem bizarre, but here’s what I did.
I gave him his name, “Morton J. Bee”,
then I opened the lid, and I let him go free.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

WARNING: Iceberg ahead

Some people say, America today is a lot like the Titanic was in 1912, heading straight for an iceberg; and they may not be too far off. But blaming people on food stamps, Medicare, welfare, etc. for our current mess and dangerous trajectory makes about as much sense as blaming the poor people who perished on the lower decks of the Titanic for that disaster. No, those poor immigrants searching for a better life at the dawn of the last century didn’t steer the ship “full steam ahead” into catastrophe, and neither are today’s immigrants, working poor people, or those receiving needed government assistance steering America “full steam ahead” into the looming shadow of her iceberg.

No, the poor are not the reason we’re in this mess. The two men taking turns at the ship’s wheel are David and Bill Koch. They’re the ones taking us on this rich man’s joy ride. “Too big to fail” is the new “Unsinkable”, and in their arrogance they actually believe it’s true. But why wouldn’t they? We bailed them out when they capsized the last ship with almost no protest. We handed them the wheel long ago by allowing gerrymandering to fix our course, and the Citizens United decision gave them all the coal they need to power the engines “full steam ahead!” Meanwhile money-drunk CEO’s and their Wall Street cronies are partying on the deck, unconcerned about the collision that lies ahead.

And why should they worry? America’s iceberg is still several fiscal cycles away. They have plenty of time to cash in and get off the ship. Then what? Democracy and the poor slobs working to power this nation sink to the bottom. So What? What’s it to them?

Of course we could do something about it… Yes, you and me, and the other 99% of this country. We could stop fighting each other, and stop blaming the blameless long enough to veer this nation away from oligarchy, and back toward representative democracy. We may not be allowed up on the deck with the luxury passengers, but if we all stick an oar in the water from down here, we can turn this thing. My oar’s in the water. How about you? I’m making another small donation to the Bernie Sanders for President campaign today. And when I can afford to I’ll do it again. You may choose another candidate, but I encourage you to hear Bernie out before making a final decision.

Note: A lot of the web sites selling Bernie Sanders merchandise are NOT a part of the campaign, and are simply profiteering off of Bernie’s growing momentum. And many of the “Bernie Sanders for President” web ads you’re likely to see are actually collecting donations for “Act Blue” which is a legitimate site, and they do a great job as a PAC collecting and effectively spending money on behalf of Democratic candidates, but to contribute DIRECTLY to the Bernie Sanders campaign go to www.berniesanders.com …As good as Act Blue may be, Bernie doesn’t need a middleman. Besides, PACs are a part of the problem we're trying to fix.

Well, that’s all I’ve got to say for now. Enjoy the Republican clown show, but seriously, seriously study the candidates… their words, but most importantly their record. WARNING: Iceberg ahead if we don’t.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Going to a Funeral (A poem about life)

I got up this morning
to continue my journey.
It’s a long goddamned grind it is.
The trip to my funeral I mean.
I’ve been at it for as long as I can remember,
and even before I can remember
when I didn’t realize where I was going;
when I was a toddler wandering aimlessly;
and later riding my tricycle
half the time in the wrong direction,
away from my funeral,
and toward something else.
Toward something I can no longer recall.
Toward something that became
just the memory of a memory.
Toward something that once was
an audible and visual recollection
that repeated itself again and again
in the back of my mind,
and then slowly faded away.
It was a recollection from another life.
A recollection of the end of that life.
The one before this one.
The one in the wrong direction.
But I’ve been pointed right now
for almost fifty years,
walking the zigzag path
toward my funeral,
knowing full well that I’ll likely drop dead
a few days before arriving.
But with the help of the living,
I will show up on time.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Scratched Vinyl

I lowered the needle to the record,
carefully.
Bobby Pickett’s name tumbled,
like pants in a dryer;
circling round and around,
on the plastic turntable.

“I was working in the lab late one night,”
it began.
And The Monster Mash tumbled
like bones from the speaker,
filling my bedroom with sound,
at 45 RPMs.

Then it did what it always did. ...It skipped!
“He opened,”
“He opened, He opened,” ...Smack!
“the lid and shook his fist
and said, ‘Whatever happened
to my Transylvania twist?’"

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Sea-Change

The tide may finally be turning,
but the lives of black men
who died unjustly in our streets,
and in the death row gallows of America,
will never be recovered,
from the sea of bigotry
that washed them away,
like so much driftwood.
The best we can do now,
is walk to the water’s edge,
and seek to make amends.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Cooking with Moody - St. Patrick’s Day Edition:

Well it’s that time of year again... Tis the season when a bunch of non-Irish people are about to try their hands at some traditional Irish cooking. If you’re one of them my friend, this article is for you. Now whether your plan is to create an entire St. Patty’s Day feast, or you just need to show up at the Thompson’s potluck with a respectable dish, here are a few tips you’ll need to know. First of all: Corned beef and cabbage is not a traditional Irish dish. Sorry. I realize that just eliminated 90% of your ideas, but if you’re goal is to serve authentic Irish fare, you’ll need to dig a little deeper.
Well you’re in luck, because I’ve done the digging for you. I found my great-grandmother O’Malley’s cookbook in the attic just last week, and the stained dog-eared pages revealed a wealth of information. This is stuff you won’t find in your Betty Crocker Cookbook, or even on Pinterest. Now I can’t possibly share all of its Irish cooking secrets here, but I can tell you this: If you’re ready to step up your game this year… If you want your dish to be the hit of the potluck, try the Boiled Leprechaun.
The recipe is simple

Ingredients:
• 2 gallons water
• 1 cup coarse kosher salt
• 4 large heads of garlic, halved crosswise
• 2 tablespoons whole black peppercorns
• 2 large heads of green cabbage, cut into wedges
• 2 pound carrots, peeled, and quartered lengthwise
• 1 medium sized leprechaun (cleaned - see page 6.)
Combine all ingredients in large pot. Boil 1 hour.
Simmer until tender. Serve with spiced mustard.
Mmm-mmm! Doesn’t that sound delicious? Now I know what you’re probably thinking. “Where am I going to find a leprechaun this close to St. Patrick’s Day?” Well, you’re right. Most butchers have been sold out for weeks, and if you haven’t already ordered one, you’re probably sunk.
But don’t despair. I found a handy conversion chart in the back of great-grandma’s cookbook. It says you can substitute one elf for two leprechauns in any recipe. I know that means making a double batch, but who wouldn’t want leftovers of a dish like this? Also, the book says if you’re in a bind you can substitute a gnome for an elf, but you’ll need to marinate the gnome in a gallon of sweet white wine for 24-36 hours before cooking. Otherwise it will taste like troll.
Lastly, and the book says this is very important: Do not, unless you want your guests to have gas for a week, do not serve troll!
Well I hope this helps with your holiday meal planning. Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone!

Monday, February 23, 2015

Today's Headlines and Comments

I haven’t done one of these in a while, so here goes...

“Today’s Actual Headlines”
(plus my comments):


“Earthquake in central Spain shakes buildings in Madrid”
(In a related story “Arrow in center of target pokes hole in bullseye.”)

“Nepal pledges to improve climbing conditions on Everest”
(Mountain to be lowered and paved by 2018.)

“Honda to replace its president following air bag fiasco”
(Whoopee Cushion deployments hilarious, but dozens killed in mix up.)

And in local news:

“Man was posing for photograph when train struck him”
(This one should read, “World’s worst photographer uses wrong shutter speed.”)

“South Park Bridge stuck in the open position; detour advised”
(But not mandatory, so you're free to step on the gas and repeat, “I think I can make it, I think I can...”)

“Seattle tunnel machine breaks through wall into rescue pit”
(Seahawks sign Bertha to $10 mil. contract to use in short yardage situations.)


Note: In case Seattle's troubled tunnel maching hasn't made headlines in your newspaper, the machine's nickname is "Bertha"