The Curmudgeon’s Holiday Poem

My knees are feeling older

And the toilet seat is colder

But there’s paper in the holder

So I guess it could be worse

Oh the joys of late November

With a turkey to dismember

These are times I will remember

Future stuff to tell my nurse

We all gather at the table

And give thanks that we are able

To watch football on the cable

So we don’t have to converse

Now the Firewood needs chopping

But we’re going Christmas shopping

And the mall is really hopping

No, I will not hold your purse!

In a beard too tightly fitting

Poor ol’ Santa’s head is splitting

On his lap the kids are sitting

Kringle looks a little terse

Little drummer boys are drumming

And the Christmas cards are coming

Now we have some frozen plumbing

This is when I start to curse

Oh the joys of mid December

With a faucet to dismember

These are times I will remember

I feel sorry for that nurse

Oh they say they are delighted

To their party I’m invited

Such delight is unrequited

In their wine glass I immerse

Oh the joys of January

I don’t mean to sound contrary

I’ll say “have a very merry…

Holiday” and I’ll disperse


Yes that was the final verse

Nurse!