I’ve been
living as a quasi-vegetarian for almost a year now, eating primarily vegetable,
fungus, and fish matter with feigned enthusiasm to support my wife’s new “let’s
see how old we can grow” healthy lifestyle strategy. Well today I was searching
the kitchen cabinet's snack selection of sweet-potato chips, dried fruit chunks,
bulk granola, raw almonds, yogurt raisins, etc. when way in the back, behind the
natural sea salt chips I spotted a bag of beef jerky ...beef jerky? Wholly
smokes! My head went on a swivel to make sure I was alone. My heart started
pounding. I suddenly felt flush. "Beef jerky, how long have you been back
there little guy?”
Okay,
I knew I had to act fast. Luckily we men are always in touch with our lizard
brain, and though dormant for much of my adult life I found out today that my
primal instincts have remained razor sharp! I immediately remembered being in a
similar situation at one other time in my life, and just like that day long ago
when I was only twelve years old, I grabbed the dirty magazine, er I mean the
beef jerky, and ran to hide it in a place where only I would have access to it,
and I’m sure I’ll be going back there often to retrieve it in the coming days.
In fact I feel like going back there right now just to look at
it.
Umm, let’s just keep this
our little secret …okay?
3 comments:
between the mattresses right? i had managed to get my hands on a playboy once and put it between the mattresses for safe keeping until the coast was clear. when i went to retrieveit, it was gone. nowhere to be found. to this day, i have no idea who pilfered it. i mean it only happened three weeks ago but still. nothing.
mr rj
i do not wish to complain but i must complain.
i have had it up to here with the beef jerky, you wanna throw us a bone here.
thank you come again
Randy? Oh, RANDY! Your loyal following misses you. It's half-past September already. Time to fold up the nasty magazines and get back to your keyboard.
Newt
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